BD #2 – The Damage of Divorce On Children
This continues a series I’ve called “Blogging Dobson” – (Part 1) – on some comments in the Dobson book “Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives”. I pull out some “interesting statements” which illustrate the fallacy that these kinds of ministries perpetrate of being “godly” or “family-affirming”.
One constant I’m finding in transcribing these statements for these posts is how destructive they are upon the husband’s rightful Godly place in families. I had interest in Dobson simply because he is probably one of the main initiators of these kinds of feminist false doctrines we fight as men. Unfortunately, with men being the good providers for their families, they have saw very little of this or have been able to pay attention to it (and maybe not took it seriously because they thought people wouldn’t buy into such ridiculous trash?) until it has festered as a cancer on Godly marriage and sped the development of Marriage 2.0 in the Church. The goal of Dr. Dobson, who ultimately succeeded as we see this throughout Churchianity now, should become clear in the whole thread of these posts. In this book, he has very little to say about wives and the damages that they do to marriage, and says very little regarding them. This furthers itself into another book of his called “What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women”, which evidently is nothing but rebuke against men. He wants to call men to lead their families, but cuts them down in every step. As covered many times, this pattern only results in the feminist goal being attained – a husband with all the responsibility and none of the authority over his wife to carry it out. Dobson has sought and succeeded to crown husbands as “King Nothing”.
This leads us into Interesting Statement #2, which is not remarkable for what it says but what it doesn’t say. Dobson in a chapter entitled “A Man and His Children” quotes a piece written by 14-year old Vicki Kraushaar in the American Girl magazine (1) called “That’s the Way Life Goes Sometimes” (2). (Proof that text gets rewashed and recycled constantly in Churchian media circles – you can read this whole thing here) This is a story written regarding the then 10-year old child’s reaction to her father leaving the family.
While I don’t disagree that there are men who will leave a family in Washington for a mistress in New Jersey, this is most notable for what is absent. The implication is that men are always the ones who break up their families and women are always the innocent victims. This is far from the truth. While I might be willing to forgive Dobson for it being a different time and divorce for any and every reason on the part of women not occurring as much, and not being pushed by doctrine as much, he pushed the same text (verbatim) into 1999 by the book I linked to, so I consider it fair game.
It’s been documented in many places that women are the initiators of divorce in 66-90% (depending on the study, and the educational level of those involved) of the cases. For example, Kleinfeld writes about the study the AARP did regarding the issue:
Women initiate two-thirds of divorces and far more of the separations, according to a nationally representative study by the American Association of Retired People (AARP). This study is based on surveys of more than a thousand divorced men and women, aged 40 to 79.
It has been documented that freely available divorce on the part of wives is a control lever that wives have to ensure the submission of their husbands to them. Wives are the ones that predominantly do not want to honor the marriage vows. The pain of being trapped in an “unhaaaaapy marriage” always trumps any damage that is done to the children in the process of the divorce happening. That there are those trying to sell divorce as a “good thing” to children should underscore that it seems to be okay when women do this, but not okay for men. Women are always the victims, despite the fact that they are the major initiators of divorce for very shallow reasons, and almost always frivolous ones.
What does the church do in response? Does it push against the women for not honoring marriage as God has written it? No, it pushes against the homosexual definition instead. Does it discourage marriage unless the woman is willing to be in it for life, no matter what? No, it supports the divorce culture, including supporting Marriage 2.0 at every step. It even produces and celebrates divorce porn, which encourages fantasies about how great being emancipated from the shackles of marriage is, such as the movie Fireproof.
Dobson’s representative narrative in the voice of Vicki Kraushaar isn’t too far from what the representative truth is today for children. There are many people who could correct the narrative better than I could to reflect the fact that women are doing this much more than men, wives use their children as weapons against their husbands, and that women are redefining the truth for these children by alienating their fathers against them. As Dobson points out, the rationalization is there that “the kids will get over it.” (3), but that is especially not true in any event. The women like to rationalize that being “trapped in an unhaaaaapy marriage” is worse than what will happen to the kids in divorce and they will “get over it”, but that’s far from the case. Given the testimonial Dalrock quotes of “Joel and Kathy Davisson’s message that a wife who is unhappy has an obligation to God to lower the boom and crush her husband with the family court”:
My son seems much more relaxed and happy now. He hasn’t been in tears (except occasionally over his dad and the divorce) and saying how much he hates life and wants to die for months!!!! No more poetry about cutting himself either! No more dark and morbid pictures and his bitterness and cynicism has declined a lot as well. My other son’s behavior has started to even out as well, with fewer and fewer meltdowns. He isn’t punching himself in the face anymore and saying what a bad boy he is either.
Somehow the children must suffer whatever they must at the hands of wives finally being “happy” and getting their cash and prizes, and folks like Dr. Dobson are silent at this. But when men do it, let the firestorm start!
so few write about this as it relates to Christianity/Churchianity so I find I keep linking to the same site(s) repeatedly for third-party verification of my thoughts – it’s unfortunate that one of those is gone (bskillet81), but he did leave his wonderful series online regarding dealing with the cheating of a Christian wife – that is here (Part 1) – (Part 2) – (Part 3) It is a much more honest view of the effect of divorce than what Dr. Dobson’s outfit ever posits.
(1) Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives by Dr. James C. Dobson page 43.
(2) ibid page 44-45. (3) ibid page 45.