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Marriage Is a Grievous Commitment Taken Flippantly

January 16, 2013

(or Men Only Truly Commit to Marriage Today)

In reading the discussion of before, as well as one of the linked posts, we can easily see the pattern that Churchianity and the world takes with regards to the idea of marriage. It seems clear that marriage is something that is taken lightly before God. It’s something that society just expects young girls and boys to do in order to grow up. This leads to the typical man-up rants that we see portraying men as children and women as victims because the men won’t marry the single chaste wonderful women sluts up.

Overall, we can see in the wholesale advocation of marriage in Churchianity as a pure expectation of adulthood and not a serious choice made before God. Marriage is indeed a grievous commitment which requires maturity and steadfastness in one’s life before God and men. Given the environment that society and Churchianity has put upon men, this is especially a given, even more so than the recognition of what true Marriage 1.0 requires of a husband. However, women have not been pressed equivalently on what the true costs of a God honoring marriage are. As I quoted here, Deborah Watkins seems to relate to what is going on in the culture:

Yes. Women are more eager to connect with their future spouses. Marriage is the next big step that our women look forward to! They have successful and rewarding careers, higher education and marriage is the next logical evolution.

Women are into the wedding, dress and concepts associated with marriage and sometimes downplay the real deal (character and incompatibility issues) associated with relationships.

Men are much more cautious of marriage because of the high divorce rate. Men scrutinize every aspect of marriage because they want it to last forever and they believe that most people marry too quickly. One person said “that they would rather remain happy and single than be married and miserable.”

This is one thing we do see in the culture. Part of gaining the feminist merit badge involves going out and getting the higher education, getting the career, and then marriage. In other words, the perfect man for her is supposed to materialize, not criticize her or hold her to any standards in any way (his own or God’s), and the whole experience is supposed to be the perfect fantasy that she dreamed of since childhood.

Now, women are focused on one thing as it relates to a marriage – the wedding. This is readily apparent by the amount of wedding planning literature, dress shops, and the like, as well as the thread of all the female-oriented porn such as romantic comedies and romance novels. There always seems to be a wedding fantasy out there for women, even when they are little girls:

It’s weird how we get wedding fantasies set in our heads when we are little girls. Everyone always says that they never thought about their wedding until they got engaged, but I’m not going to lie to you. I started dreaming about my wedding as soon as I could talk.

So, it should be readily clear, if it wasn’t before, that:

It seems that women are committed to the marriage day, while men are committed to the marriage.

Given that the churches are run by women, the stress and blood lust for marriageable men gets to the extreme. These women, who have a fundamentally good heart that is Godly by itself, are directed into marriage by her righteous heart. So it’s not necessary that the church ever stress what it means before God to be married. She is to step up and her heart is to lead the marriage, and she is to be the Holy Spirit to her husband. When things go wrong, it is never the wife’s fault for not living up to what Godly marriage is supposed to be, it’s always the husband’s. If the wife cheats on the husband, it’s his fault. If the husband cheats on the wife it’s his fault.

The Churchian proctors know that their plan is going wrong so they push on the men and be lenient on the women. They could never actually hold women to Godly standards (i.e. not Marriage 2.0), because it would offend their delicate feminist sensibilities and the women would call for the pastor’s head as a result. When they do push on the men, it’s often extra-biblical and way beyond what God meant him to be as a husband.

Even though, men more inherently understand the idea of taking a commitment and what it means. This is readily apparent by a number of recent posts demonstrating women who lack understanding of commitment much less covenant.

That such views are prevalent in society today indicates that there was no real understanding of that wedding, why it took place, the words they said, what they mean, or any serious intent on committing or following through to their words in the sight of God and men. To think that agreeing to what God has laid out can be pulled back and made conditional based on feelings, whether you feel okay with the marriage or not, or whether the husband has submitted to the wife well enough is going back on the words. Think of the effect that borrowing $20 from your friend and saying you would pay it back next week would have when you respond to the friend’s request for the money back with “I don’t feel like it.”

One distinct problem with marriage today is that a woman’s word is far from her bond when it comes to marriage, and the church and society supports her in this.

One can go through the posts here to gain a definition of what Marriage before God entails. Unfortunately, it is dark knowledge to many. It’s just not taught because people would then expect women to uphold their words in the sight of God, and we can’t have that now can we?

His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. (Matthew 19:10)

This was said by the disciples when Jesus put down the practice of frivolous divorce in that society (and that alone!). Marriage is indeed a serious commitment, but the Churchians don’t teach it as such. It’s just (meh), another thing people do, and all this frivolous divorce? Them men just aren’t worshipping her well enough.

You mean: I have to stay with this one person as my spouse? For the rest of my life? I can’t go divorce my spouse when things start getting hard and it stops feeling good? I can’t go sexually fool around? I can’t willfully refuse my spouse sex for any reason and provide access unconditionally? You mean as a husband I got to lead and provide for my family unconditionally whether I feel like it or not? You mean as a wife I got to unconditionally submit to my husband in everything as if it were the Lord, whether I feel like it or not?

The church doesn’t drive home the seriousness of such a thing. It doesn’t drive home the witness of marriage, and the very real wrath that God has in befouling the things of His witness. It doesn’t make it clear that there are a number of people (mainly women, but men too) that have no business being married whatsoever and keep them from doing it outside of repentance unto maturity.

  1. The most poisonous concepts being promoted in churchianity today revolve around sex and marriage. Namely:
    1) Obedience to God’s commands is voluntary (for women). Specifically, wives have a voluntary choice about being obedient (submissive) to their husbands. Of course the Bible teaches that a woman who rebels against her husband is rebelling against God, but you will not hear that preached by a churchian.
    2) Sexual sin by womyn is no big deal, and when they do sin it’s not their fault anyway. If a single churchian female spreads her legs for a hot alpha bad boy, it’s not because she likes the sex, it’s because her loving heart is trying to lead him to Jesus. If a married churchian female spreads her legs for a hot alpha bad boy who is not her husband, it’s her husband’s fault for not being a good enough communicator. God loves her so much that either way He will overlook her sin, and she must never be judged for it.
    3) Men are bad. Men like sex, and so they are inherently wicked. Womyn like commitment, so they are inherently good. Men need to understand just how much better womyn are and act accordingly. Only when men do this can they have good, lasting marriages and strong families.
    4) The Bible’s teachings on sex and marriage are out of date, and were for an entirely different culture anyway, so they don’t apply today. Gloria Steinem is much more relevant than Jesus or Paul.

  2. Solid and thought-provoking post. Of course, feminist churchianity won’t agree with you but then again, truth that does not agree with its compromised principles is unwelcome in feminist churches.

  3. Hmmm. Interesting post. However; my one criticism of it is – separation of church and state.

    Since when does the state even need to be involved in marriage in the first place?

    Why did no “Churchians” complain when the state was making outrageous laws unfavorable to men during the unfortunate event of a divorce?

    Why do you need a license to get married (i.e. practice your religion) in America?

    Where were all these Christians (Christinas????) (Churchians?) when the government was slowly slithering its way into “holy matrimony”???

    What are they doing about it now?

    Why is separation of church and state not mentioned in your essay?

    (Well written essay and compelling reading I might add!!!)

  4. @Scarecrow
    The original topic was about the mindset that both men and women take going into marriage with regards to the Scriptural commitments. However, your questions are very interesting ones as it relates to the topic as the feminists have undertaken to put things towards the State. Perhaps that is the biggest distinction between Godly marriage and Marriage 2.0 – the marriage covenant is with the State instead of God. The separation of Church and State has other interesting effects on the church as well, enough to really drive it into another post altogether. I touched on the idea briefly here.

    The overarching answer to most of your questions (though insufficient) is “because the church is now a feminist organization just as much as NOW or the others”, but they are interesting enough to research further, especially since I want to flesh this out into a post for the (near) future. Thanks for the topic idea.

  5. I am saving this post to use when I write to pastors, if you don’t mind. Just yesterday I sent off another email to a pastor challenging him and covering what you covered here, but not as well. In fact many of your posts are useful and I am remiss that I haven’t at least linked them in my correspondence.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Serial Monogamy (Hypergamy) is Polygamy | The Society of Phineas
  2. The One Ring To Rule Over Him | The Society of Phineas
  3. A Proper Framework for Marriage. | The Society of Phineas
  4. So You Want Me To Man-Up and Marry That Slut? | The Society of Phineas
  5. Sharing Satan’s Plan For Marriage | The Society of Phineas
  6. Missing The Sales Pitch | The Society of Phineas
  7. Weasels of the Covenant Marriage | The Society of Phineas
  8. Marriage: Appearance and Essence | The Society of Phineas
  9. Marriage and Child Alpha | The Society of Phineas

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